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#19: Face Off_Ajmal Kasab

Disclaimer: The post is totally fictitious and resembles no real interview.


Hello, aadaab, lei ho, aloha, ciao, vanakkam, salaam Namaste. This is your favourite host Shashvat Saxena back after three years in yours all time favourite show…  Face 2 face with Shashvat Saxena.
Interlude drum…
 As always I’ll begin the show with a question that I’ll answer at the end. And that question is… Why it took so many years in executing when it was already decided to re-launch this show? Keep thinking.
Now coming back to the routine. Today our guest, the first guest of this new season, is a known personality, the man himself… Mohammed Ajmal Amir Kasab…! Due to security reasons, he won’t be with us in studio but we’ll have our talk on the telecommunications. Waise bhi you know that mobiles are now easily accessible in jail areas...! So on Re-launching your favourite show Face 2 face with Shashvat Saxena, Let’s welcome Mr. Kasab on phone. Please give him a big hang…, I mean big hand…!
Interlude Trumpet… with slapping… I mean clapping…!
SS: Namaste sir…
Kasab: … (Sounds like crying)
SS: What happened sir? Are you crying…?
Kasab: What else I’m supposed to do. Itni ijjat… itni ijjat to mujhe Faridkot me bhi nahi mili jahan me peda hua.  In India, everyone is calling me Sir… Sir… Mujhe to Sirdard ho gaya hai...!
SS: I’m extremely sorry for troubling you sir. We’ll arrange a Special team to facilitate you Medical Expertise.
Kasab: Indian Government has already facilitated me by arranging special facilities. Thanks for asking.
SS: Sir just a week before on 13th of July went your birthday. Happy belated birthday because now you too know it’s possible for you to have many many happy returns of the day in India after being sentenced to death. Did you get your birthday gift? Did government spend anything?
Kasab: Government has already spent 35 crore ` for me. What else is remaining?
SS: People here would like to know something about your background sir.
Kasab: Well, my father was in business of making DahiPuri, he still is and I never liked DahiPuri so I opt for the only other option for job in Pakistan and joined a terrorist group.
SS: Are you missing those days or want to go back?
Kasab: Not at all yaar, daraao mat. I’m even afraid that one day, another flight will be hijacked to kandhaar and Indian Government will leave me free. I don’t wanna go back there. Even I’m planning to settle down in India like crores of Bangladeshis. And I hope, actually I know, I’ll get my permanent resident card soon.
SS: Sir, I know your time is precious and won’t waste it. So I’m moving for my last question. You are found guilty of murder, conspiracy and of waging war against India and for this you are sentenced to death by hanging. My last question is the most stereotyped reporter’s question. How are you feeling now?
Kasab: Frankly I was really afraid of Indian Police force and Army force when I was in Pakistan. But after trespassing L.O.C, I’m feeling safer than before or actually much famous too. Thanks for making me a celebrity. India is really a great country. Thanks for everything. Please do Take care of yourself because in India, an Indian is not safe. And I guess you are still an Indian. Goodbye.
SS: Goodbye. May your soul rest in piece… I mean, May you rest in peace…
Interlude Saxophones with applaud…
So, Ladies and mentalmen, I mean Gentlemen, here ends the re-launch episode of Face 2 face with Shashvat Saxena and before you switch the channel, answer to the question that I had asked in the beginning is… "Taking a decision isn’t a tough job, tough job is to execute it." and to understand this, the best representative issue is the one we raised today. Signing off now. Do wait for me and some new guests on your favourite show Face 2 face with Shashvat Saxena broadcasting on Channel Random Strokes… Till then See you, Sayonara, Hasta la vista, Rab rakha, khuda hafiz, aavjo vhalaa fari malishu.
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Comments

  1. AnonymousJuly 30, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    Uttam Vyangatmak lakhan. Reminded Sharad Joshi. Keep it on. majaa aavi gayi.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Foram DaveJuly 30, 2010 at 10:24 PM

    Awesome writing brother. Enjoyed both new categories. Keep stroking randomly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownJuly 30, 2010 at 11:47 PM

    Thanks sis and Mr. Anonymous too. I again request all those readers who comment as anonymous user to write their name at the end of the comment so that in future they can read their name in my reply after Mr.

    Thanks again. Keep reading Random Strokes.

    ReplyDelete

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